I’ve got 日本語 class tonight!!  Yeah, yeah… it’s that time of the year again.  I got class Mondays and Wednesdays from 6:30pm thru 9:00pm… long day.  But I don’t mind it.  It’s cool

I miss my 日本語クラスの友達と (Japanese class friends).

<3

So I thought I could finally show you all my HAIR!!!! Yup! I’m a blondie

So I took my iPhone & took some pics of me and the munchkin *luvs her!*

Tell me what you think.

Summary: Naraku is finally defeated… but at what cost? The price they paid for victory was more than they bargained for. Was it worth it? [Inu/Kag]

Disclaimer: I do not own the InuYasha anime/manga series, *sadly sighs*. InuYasha & Co. belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I am NOT affiliated in any way with the aforementioned entity.

Author’s Note: For the longest time this was a one shot, but after many requests I decided to continue with this story…

Broken Dreams and Demon Nightmares

Chapter 1: How it all began…

“We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.”

-Oscar Wilde, `The Duchess of Padua’

There was a chill in the air, a cold empty breeze that slowly spread though the land like a plague. To anyone familiar with these parts, the change in weather was obvious. Winter was fast approaching, bringing with it an ominous fog that had settled over the forest like a smoky veil promising death to any who dared to disturb it.

“Hiraikotsu!”

A female voice boomed as a flash swopped by, cutting through the dense mist. The giant boomerang plowed through the woods, the swooshing sound of the weapon reverberated through the empty forest as it destroyed everything in its wake before returning to its master.

“Sango, behind you!”

From the corner of her eyes, the demon slayer noticed a flash of red and silver that cut through the fog like a hot sword through wax… and it was heading straight for her. Time seemed to stand still for a moment, and before she was able to asses her next move, a massive cat demon jumped in front of her line of vision with a fierce roar, putting itself between its master and the raging beast that was fast approaching.

“Fox fire!” Echoed through the thick mist, just as bluish flames sprouted out of nowhere, effectively diverting the demon’s trajectory from the surprised slayer’s path.

Without a moment to spare, the bewildered slayer managed to jump atop the massive cat demon, her friend and companion, and flew off to safety.

Unfortunately, the angry monster turned its attention to the small fox demon that had, up until this moment, been hiding behind a rather large bush.

The monster sneered. He could smell fear on this one. It thrilled him to the point of almost tasting the fox demon’s blood in his mouth.

Licking his deadly fangs with his tongue like a hungry rabid dog, he gave chase. Soon it caught up with the slower fox demon-child, the thrill of the kill making the beast smirk and snap his powerful jaws hungrily with anticipation. Taking his chance, the beast leapt in the air and took a swipe at the fox with his long, lethal talons, nearly ripping the youngling’s tail off, but the little pest had managed to escape his grasp. He snarled in annoyance… his own momentum had been cut short by the long staff that had hit him from behind.

Getting up slowly he growled deep and dangerously at his attacker, his yes covered by a curtain of hair. Slowly, he looked up, his blood red eyes were filled with hatred and an insatiable thirst for blood- any blood. If looks could kill the monk standing in front of him would have been dead ten times over by now.

The vicious growl almost turned into a macabre sort of laugher as he smelled the fear on the filthy human too, he liked that, but there was also something else mixed in with it…

Something…

Didn’t matter.

Blood was blood. And he wanted the blood. He needed it.

Flexing his claws he gave chase again.

“Miroku!” Sango cried from her spot in the sky as she and Kirara followed right behind them.

“We’re not gonna make it Miroku!” The young fox shouted suddenly running next to the monk as he appeared almost out of nowhere.

“Just keep running!”

They didn’t know what else to do. Everything had been so unexpected, and yet, they had seen it coming from a mile away. Why didn’t they prepare for it when they had a chance?

But they knew why… somehow, they had clung to the notion that their friend would not lose himself to his own madness. They had lied to themselves when they thought that he would pull through this like he had when he had lost his first love…

But this wasn’t then.

Things weren’t the same.

This time around, they were hurting too; he hadn’t been the only one in pain.

Each and every one of them had lost something that on that fateful day as well.

A friend… a sister… a mother…

And now, here they were, battling against a trusted friend… a brother… a father…

That pain that they all had felt that day had made it more difficult to see things clearly for what they were.

How did it come to this?

One day they were trying to move on with their lives, trying to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives, and the next they were frantically trying to lure the vicious beast away from the village they had come to call home- desperately trying to spare the lives of more innocent people.

Things weren’t supposed to be this way. This was not how they thought the fairy tale would end.

How did things get so bad?

Why did winning the final battle feel like they had lost the whole war?

Why did trusted friends become mortal enemies?

Why did fate have to be so cruel and heartless; why did destiny dealt such a hand?

Why?

(Three days earlier)

The soft evening breeze carried the scent of death throughout InuYasha’s forest. The scent wrapped itself around every rock, and every tree- right down to the roots of every living thing with the exception of one… Goshinboku.

Its scent was soft and… soothing, just as it had always been.

Atop its branches, the mourning dog demon still held on to his lost love. Its resolve focused simply on staying with the corpse it held in its arms. His eyes were closed as he waited for death itself, so that he and his eternal love could once again be reunited in the afterlife.

Patiently he awaited his death. Embracing his fate and allowing himself to die slowly.

Nothing in this world mattered anymore. There was nothing left here. Nothing. There was no point in living if his beloved was not there with him. He had already lost himself in his own madness and despair long ago. There was no turning back from that. Not now. He was simply an empty shell waiting to be swallowed whole by mother earth itself.

As he waited for his own death, something unexpected began to happen… something he could not understand.

Deep within him, he began to feel a pull. The faint feeling began to grow and grow until it almost suffocated him.

Opening his eyes to the world for the first time in days, he looked down at the girl he held on to so delicately, just as something strange began to take place. There was a soft glow that began to form all around her, surrounding her in a warm light.

He blinked as he tried to understand what was happening. Right before his eyes, his mate, his love… his very life line began to disappear into thin air. He wrapped his arms tighter around her but her body simply began to dissipate, leaving a feeling of emptiness and loneliness in its wake. And just like that, she was no more. It was as if though she had never really existed.

Clinging on to empty air, he tilted his head again and blinked.

With one last shimmering spark she was gone, and out of his life again. He felt the void in his soul, a void so vast that he felt like he was drowning. She was gone, truly gone. There was nothing left, nothing at all. There was nothing to hold on to.

Nothing.

And the feeling that slowly crept inside of him threatened to spill and overflow. He felt as if though a part of him had been forcefully ripped away and shredded to a billion tiny pieces that were scattered away by the cold winter breeze.

His whole body began to shake suddenly and his eyes held a rage that promised murder to everything in sight. A low growl began to grow deep within him until it couldn’t be contained within his chest any longer.

“N-n-nn-n-n-n-n-n-n-noooooo! No! No! No! Noooooo!”

`Kagome…’

-

InuYasha’s body trembled under his uncontrolled rage. He could feel the anger, the hate and the loneliness as it slowly swallowed him whole. He could also feel a thirst building up inside of him, breathing new life in him. He had lost everything and there was nothing to hold on to anymore. The pain he felt was unbearable, it was all too much to control.

Too much.

He clenched his fists in a fit of rage until blood began to ooze from his palms, his long claws deliciously digging deep into the skin. With one leap he landed on the cold, muddy ground and began to run. His claws wreaking havoc to anything that crossed his path.

He wanted death; he could taste it as it hovered around him- so close, yet so far away. He clawed at anything that stood in his way as he ran through the empty forest, down to the river. Blood dripped from his hands, forearms and face, but he wanted more.

He wanted the blood, his blood.

He wanted life to end.

His life.

Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the river’s edge and he became enraged. Why was he still here? Why couldn’t he just die… why couldn’t he be with her like he wanted to be.

“WHY!”

Crying and snarling he began to claw at himself maniacally, trying to find solace in the pain, but it brought none. Deep gashes covered his face and chest, but it wasn’t enough. He couldn’t numb the pain. His wounds were healing too fast and the smell of his own blood maddened him even more, bringing him into a crazed frenzy.

He wanted more. More blood to ease the pain.

He wanted death. If not his own, then he wanted the death of everything around him.

Everything would pay.

Life would pay for taking everything from him.

For taking her away…

The world would be his hell; he would make sure of it.

(Three days later)

They were still not far away from the village, not that it mattered much how much distance they put between themselves and their home when InuYasha could easily make his way back at any time, if he really wanted to. But the purpose here was not to try and kill the beast, but simply to get him to focus on something other than their village. That would give the old priestess enough time to erect a barrier around it that would keep InuYasha out- for a time.

It could kill the old woman. But it was a risk they were all willing to take. And they couldn’t give up on their friend- not yet. Not until they had exhausted all their options.

“Come on Kirara! Hurry, we have to get close enough for me to throw Hiraikotsu again.” Kirara simply roared in acknowledgement and increased her speed. Gripping the giant boomerang tighter, Sango braced herself as Kirara made her decent.

“Miroku! Shippo! Now!” Sango yelled.

Afraid as he was, Shippo managed to muster all the courage he could and used his Bunshin to multiply himself and distract the dog demon. In just seconds, the young fox had turned into fifty, but as great as that trick was, they all knew that his fox magic would only serve as a temporary distraction.

Quickly, Miroku seized the opportunity and attacked as well. “Please let this work,” he prayed to any deity that would listen. Pulling out four spell scrolls, he tossed them in the dog demon’s direction, momentarily immobilizing him. “I’m sorry InuYasha…” He whispered to his friend, brother, if really thought about it, now-turned enemy before shouting, “Now Sango!”

“Hiraikotsu!”

-

“D- Do you think he’ll be okay?” A scared Shippo asked. He had lost a family again the day they defeated Naraku. He had lost both a mother and a father again. And it hurt, it hurt much more than he cared to admit.

“He’ll be fine Shippo,” Sango replied with a small, sad smile. “I only hit him with enough force to knock him unconscious. He won’t be waking up anytime soon, but he’ll be out for a while.”

The young fox demon looked skeptical as he sadly looked at the dog demon.

“That should hold him for a long while,” said Miroku as he placed the last spell scroll on InuYasha.

“You really think so?” Asked Sango.

He looked thoughtful for a moment, maybe unsure of himself even. Would the scrolls hold InuYasha for long?

“I- don’t know.”

A low growl caught their attention, and all three companions turned to look at the bound dog demon a few feet away.

“Stupid humans,” InuYasha said in low menacing voice. “You can’t stop me.” His blood red eyes shimmered in the night light.

His aura began to flicker and an evil grin spread across his lips. “You. Will. All. Die!”

Their eyes went wide in astonishment.

`How?’

That was the only thought they could form at the moment. Miroku staggered backwards, while Shippo clung to Sango for all he was worth. The spell scrolls should have immobilized him for an indefinite time. And yet… he was moving, getting up slowly, the scrolls slowly disintegrating.

… and then…

He lunged at them, his claws ready to rip their throats. Kirara jumped in between them blocking InuYasha from them. She roared as his claws dug deep into her shoulder, but didn’t stop her attack at the dog demon.

“Kirara!”

Thinking quickly, Miroku pulled out three spell scrolls and tossed them in InuYasha’s direction. He was frozen in place for a few seconds before the scrolls began to smoke against his skin. “Your tricks won’t work anymore, filthy human.” He spat in disgust.

He grabbed the scrolls with his clawed hand and all three watched as he ripped what was left of the scrolls to pieces before tossing them aside.

“It can’t be,” A stunned Miroku muttered.

Noticing an opening, Sango threw Hiraikotsu again, giving them an opportunity for escape. InuYasha jumped back as he tried to avert the blow of Sango’s giant boomerang. This allowed Kirara to gather the trio and quickly take to the skies, where InuYasha couldn’t harm them.

“H-He’s too strong for us, Miroku.” Sango said visibly shaken by what had happened.

Shippo trembled in fear as he held on to Kirara’s fur for dear life. `W- what’s gonna h- happen now?’ He thought.

Miroku just looked down at InuYasha. The dog demon simply looked up at them as they flew away, his eyes cold and empty.

“We need to go back to the village and warn Kaede. I’m pretty sure he’s going back there. We’ll need to be prepared.”

“But it’s InuYasha!” Shippo yelled suddenly. He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “He wouldn’t- he couldn’t- he…”

“He is not the InuYasha we knew anymore,” Miroku said softly. “The InuYasha we knew died in that battle field.”

“But- but… there must be away…” The young fox demon tried.

“Yeah Miroku, there must be away to change him back.”

The monk looked back to where InuYasha stood and frowned, “I don’t know Sango. I just don’t know.”

Summary: Naraku is finally defeated… but at what cost? The price they paid for victory was more than they bargained for. Was it worth it? [Inu/Kag]

Disclaimer: I do not own the InuYasha anime/manga series, *sadly sighs*. InuYasha & Co. belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I am NOT affiliated in any way with the aforementioned entity.

Author’s Note: For the longest time this was a one shot, but after many requests I decided to continue with this story…

Broken Dreams and Demon Nightmares

Prologue: How It All Ended

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”

-William Shakespeare, `The Tempest’

A piercing howl could be heard throughout the forest. A haunting howl that was full of pain, anguish, suffering… and something so completely primal that it sent a chill right down to the bone of every creature living and breathing. No one dared to utter a word about it; and no one dared to set foot into InuYasha’s forest– not man, demon or beast.

In the distance, perched on one of the branches of the God Tree, Goshinboku, two lonely figures could be seen. The black haired beauty seemed to be sleeping peacefully, while the creature with flowing silver hair and blood red eyes cradled her close to him in a loving and tender embrace as it swayed back and forth atop the branch. Her pale face almost had an iridescent glow under the moonlight… she looked like an angel, a beautiful angel.

Suddenly the creature shuddered and let out a chocked cry letting the tears flow once more. As he held on to the beauty like a lifeline, he buried his nose against her hair and let her scent fill him and overwhelm him, allowing his heart to break even more with each and every breath he took. Even in his current state, he could remember every single thing about her and that made it that much more painful for him. Somewhere deep down inside his human spirit wept with the same force like that of his demon side.

He continued to howl as he had done for many days, and kept on shedding tears for the loss. He cried for all the things that had been left unsaid and for all the years that they had spent together… he cried for all their fights, and all their laughs… cried for all the tender moments they shared and for all the memories that filled his mind.

His heart and soul knew no comfort. There was only grief.

The creature’s mind was so completely lost to the world around him that only the darkness of his life’s misery and the pain and sorrow he felt for his beloved filled his mind, heart and soul. Only the tiniest bit of light seemed to remain and it refused to let go. But that same light that had once burned bright and had been his reason for living was now slowly diminishing and decaying, becoming a black hole of nothing in his arms with the passing of time.

There was nothing else to offer the wretched world he lived in. Without her, there was nothing else for him anymore. The only thing that kept him from completely losing himself to the shadow of darkness within him was the girl that he cradled so delicately in his arms. Her sweet face being the only thing that kept him alive… a loving face of an angel, and the memory of a smile that was brighter than the sun itself. A sweet face… and a name…

Kagome.

-

For weeks he sat there with her… holding her, loving her, drinking her scent.

He sat there until there was almost nothing left of her…

He sat there until he lost all sanity…

Sat there until there was no more of him left…

Sat there until there was nothing else to give…

Sat there, until there was nothing left to live for…

-

(Weeks earlier…)

Naraku had finally been defeated by his adversaries. In the end, everyone who was an enemy of Naraku was considered an ally.

The battle had been grand, and demons as well as humans a like fought side by side to defeat the evil half-demon. The Shikon no Tama had also been completed then, and in the end, the true power of the living jewel had been unleashed… a power so bright and pure that was too great for Naraku to fully control.

Once the jewel was complete, he managed to swallow it whole and wrap his evil aura around it, turning it black with his twisted hate, malice and thirst for power. However, buried deep inside the jewel’s core there was the tiniest bit of light that remained untouched and pure, as if Midoriko herself merely waited for the catalyst that would unleash the jewel’s true power.

This thirst for total control of the jewel was Naraku’s mistake and his ultimate undoing. And in the end, it cost him everything.

The jeweled betrayed him as the light that waited within the jewel itself began to grow with Kagome’s help. In the last hour, Kagome’s powers which had once been sealed by Magatsuhi came back to life and with full force. Slowly, with Kagome’s help, that tiny speck of light began to glow and grow, consuming Naraku from the inside out until it weakened him. It was this thirst for total power that brought his eventual demise. In the end, Naraku’s evil wasn’t vast enough to taint the jewel that slowly purified him from within. This gave InuYasha the opportunity to draw Tetsusaiga one last time and destroy him for good.

The blast that emanated from Tetsusaiga burned so bright that it illuminated the whole battle field for several seconds before dying out like a flame in the dark, leaving absolutely nothing but destruction in its wake.

And in the end, Naraku was finally gone. And nothing- not even his dust remained.

However, the victory had been short lived, and as victories go, it was also bittersweet…

-

InuYasha lay on the battlefield semi-unconscious and badly injured. His body was a canvas of bruises and deep gashes that bled to no end. His body was also adorned with oozing angry burns that had just barely started the slow healing process. Slowly he came to- his mind still a bit hazy from the battle. He managed to get up and look around. For a second, he couldn’t remember where he was or what he had been doing. But slowly, the images of the battle began to seep their way back into his memory.

Somehow, at some point during the battle with Naraku he had transformed into a full demon. At first, this transformation had been just like every other, but somehow he was able to take control of his mind and soul. Soon after, he realized that he was no longer the mindless creature with a thirst for blood. He had in fact turned into a true demon, much like he had turned once before when he used the jewel shards to break through the stone demon’s belly to save his friends. He bore his father’s markings on his face and body, his power had increased tenfold and his mind was sharper than it had ever been. He didn’t know how it had happened or why, the only thing he knew was that it had, and that was enough for him.

Suddenly he felt a chilling pang at the pit of his stomach… `Where is Kagome?’

“Kagome!” He called out over the settling dust and morning fog.

His eyes scanned the surroundings frantically and he called out to her once more with urgency. “Kagome!!”

Reclaiming his composure, he allowed his senses to take over. Closing his eyes and letting his senses guide him, he tried to catch her scent through the thick air. The stench emanating from the battle field was enough to make him gag, but he steeled his resolve and took a tentative sniff. Slowly, his nose and ears began to pick apart all kinds of different things. Somewhere he could smell Sango and Miroku along with Shippo and Kirara. They were safe. Injured but safe nonetheless. His keen hearing picking up the sounds their bodies made when they shifted and moved around as they too tried to find one another.

Kouga and his pack brothers were still alive; Ginta lay somewhere unconscious in the battle field, with Hakkaku trying to sniff him out. They all had grave injuries which would take some time to heal, but they seemed to be doing just fine otherwise.

Sesshomaru’s scent still lingered along with the scent of his human charge, Rin and the annoying toad-like demon, Jaken. He knew his brother was injured, perhaps just as badly as he was, he could smell it, but he could also smell the girl’s blood, and there was a lot of it. Too much in fact.

`So the girl was badly injured too. That’s why the bastard left in such a hurry.’ He thought to himself quickly.

He continued to search the grounds, his own heart hanging on by a mere thread in his chest.

“Kagome!” He called out once more. After just seconds, he caught up with her scent and he let a very small wave of relief wash over him.

His body quickly began to react to his heart’s excitement and his legs moved on their own taking him to where Kagome was.

-

From the corner of her eyes, Kagome could see him, just a flash of red and silver at first, then her eyes slowly began to focus until she could almost see InuYasha’s figure completely. He was coming closer and closer towards her. For a moment she thought it was a dream, maybe she was still dreaming. But in her heart she knew that she wasn’t.

She smiled weakly and tried to raise her hand, but her body wouldn’t respond anymore. She let out a small sigh and smiled once more. It was all finally over… wasn’t it? They had finally won and the jewel was finally complete.

`The jewel!’

She felt a sudden sting of panic before she realized that she was holding the jewel in her hand. Somehow she had managed to hold on to it.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she suddenly felt the wave of pain that radiated throughout her body, leaving her completely paralyzed in shock more than the actual pain itself.

She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to control the sudden affliction. She didn’t want him seeing her this way- in so much pain. She wanted to be strong for him; she wanted to be everything she thought she should be- for him.

-

As he got closer to her, the scent of death mixed in with Kagome’s own natural scent became stronger. At first, he tried to ignore it, tried to make excuses for it. He tried really hard not to believe what his nose was picking up from the girl that was just mere inches from him. He tried to tell himself that he was wrong. That she was okay… that this wasn’t really happening and that it was just some sick joke his own mind was playing on him. Maybe it was a bad dream- a nightmare. It had to be, and he’d be waking up soon, right?

`No… don’t let it be true…’

Slowly, he dropped down in front of her, his eyes refusing to fully focus. Taking her hand in his, he hoped to feel the old familiar warmth. But there was none. She felt like ice. He looked down at her fingertips in fear of looking anywhere else and saw that they had turned slightly blue.

Gathering all the courage he could muster, he finally allowed his gaze to clear and really look at her for the first time since those last moments in battle. His heart suddenly felt as if though it would stop beating when his eyes finally came to rest upon her face.

“Kagome…” The words were softer than a kiss in the wind.

He had failed her. He had promised her that he would protect her, that he would keep her safe, and he had failed her. He felt the gut wrenching guilt rip through him. He loathed himself. How could he have failed her? How? He felt like such a worthless bastard, who couldn’t even protect the one person he cared for most. He had been weak, too fucking weak.

He thought he’d lost everything that mattered to him in that one moment. Thought that he would never get to hear her sweet voice or see her beautiful eyes filled with life again… He was breaking… all was lost. And it was his fault.

And then, she stirred.

For a brief second there was a glimmer of hope. For a brief second life would go on and things would be okay. For a brief second… he allowed himself to be relieved, and feel happy- truly happy.

-

She had been in so much pain, that she didn’t notice InuYasha kneeling in front of her, with her hand in his. But the sound of his voice broke through her pain.

“In- Inu… Yasha…” It was barely a whisper. Even with his perfect hearing, he almost missed it.

“Kagome…” He managed to say again, brushing away the stray hairs that clung rebelliously to her beautiful face.

She tried to smile at him through the pain. “Y- You’re… okay,” she said. “Is- is… e- everyone else… okay?”

He placed a clawed finger to her lips and genuinely smiled, his face the perfect picture of unconditional love and concern, “They’re okay, Kagome. They’re all okay. Your barrier worked and you saved them. They’re all okay.”

She let out a soft sigh and opened her eyes to look at him. “I’m- glad.”

She felt another wave of pain engulf her body, making her shudder and whimper agonizingly against her will. “Ug- uggh… uggh… Hmmp.” She cried out unwillingly and swallowed hard. Eyes tightly shut, her face the picture of pain and agony.

And then the pain subsided once more, leaving her body comfortably numb. “That- that was b- bad,” She managed to say through gritted teeth, eyes still shut. “But it’s… its better now.”

“Shh… Shh… don’t strain yourself. It’ll be okay, Kagome… Just- just, hang in there. It’ll be okay, alright?” InuYasha said through a chocked sob as he desperately tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.

There were so many emotions running through him… too many for him to control. Just seeing her this way- it tore him apart. He had promised to keep her safe. Promised to protect her, and he had failed her miserably. Failed her more than he had ever failed anyone else in his life. Pain and sorrow weighed heavy on him, but heavier was the guilt he felt inside.

“My InuYasha,” she said softly after a short pause; her eyes fluttered open and tears began to form on corners of her gray blue orbs.

The sound of her voice forced him to push his own feelings aside for the moment so that he could only focus on her. Only her.

“My best friend,” She continued. “My beautiful half-demon, my… my… one true love.”

To InuYasha, it almost felt like a bomb the size of the world had gone off in his ears. His heart raced and was just about ready to explode, his mind trying hard to keep up with the pace. His mouth attempted to find the words to respond, but it failed.

She called him, her love. He was… her- her one true love.

She knew she was dying, she understood that now- she didn’t have too much time left, and didn’t want to leave with regrets.

So now here she was, at the end of her long journey, trying to find the courage to tell him what had always been in her heart. InuYasha was her everything. He had always been her one true love. Why did she always try to deny it before? She had always loved him. Deep down, she had always known, yet she never told him. Never really said exactly what was in her heart of hearts, and she regretted that. Even after Kikyo was gone, she never really said a word about it in fear of what could happen if she ever did. Maybe things would have been different if she had. Maybe he would have accepted her love either way, but now she would never know what could have been.

And now that things were going to end like this, what did she have to lose? `Nothing. I have nothing to lose.’

“I- I’m sorry Inu… Yash…” She said closing her eyes and opening them again, tears falling against her will. “I always… wanted you to know… but I was- I was afraid that you wouldn’t feel th- the same. Now I see- I see that… that I should have t- told you either way. I should- have- said it sooner. I should have…”

Finally, InuYasha let the tears he didn’t know he was holding freely roll down his cheeks. Each one landing on Kagome’s pale face like hot rain on a summer day. How could he have been so blind? How could he have been so stupid? Why didn’t he allowed himself to see what was right in front of him instead of chasing after ghosts or long forgotten dreams of a love that was never meant to be. Why had he hurt her so much? Why did he have to always be so stubborn? Why didn’t he tell her what he truly felt inside?

‘Why? Why!? Why!‘

The word echoed in mind over and over again his words resonating like thunder.

Kagome’s pain returned once more, this time with full force. Her whole body began to convulse making her cry out in agony as her body twisted awkwardly. InuYasha became distraught, and felt helpless as he watched Kagome in so much pain- a pain that he could certainly feel as well as her.

If he could he would trade places with her in an instant. As he watched the love of his life suffer and slip away from him like sand through his hands, he prayed to any God that would listen to let him trade places with her and take his life so that she may live.

But his prayers went unanswered.

“I’m not scared… I’m not scared… I- I’m not scared…” She repeated over and over again. “I can’t… I won’t. I am… not scared anymore…” She sobbed trying to find her own courage after the pain had somewhat subsided.

Finally, her body stopped shaking and she let out a long sigh of relief. Gradually, she opened her eyes and focused on the troubled amber orbs that gazed back in anguish and a deep sadness that made her heart break. For what seemed like an eternity, they looked into each other’s eyes, trying to find solace, trying to find a glimmer of hope. Trying to find something to hold on to, but everything was just too real. The pain was too real. Deep down inside, they knew what was to come.

“Will you kiss me?” She suddenly asked, breaking through the veil of silence that had fallen around them; a soft and sad smile adorning her pale face.

Without hesitation, InuYasha complied and kissed her tenderly but passionately at the same time, as if trying to breathe life back into her. The kiss was everything and more than they had ever imagined it would be. There was a raging fire behind it. It completely consumed them until there was nothing left of them, but their souls- entwined.

InuYasha was the first to break away from the kiss to look upon her face. Then, almost absent mindedly he began to place soft butterfly kisses on her face as cradled her possessively and more lovingly than he ever had before, as if trying to shield her from the world around them. Almost as if trying to steal her away from the clutches of death itself.

Kagome sighed softly, the warmth of the kiss still lingering on her soft, pale lips.

“But I wonder…” She whispered softly, so softly that not even InuYasha could truly hear it.

“Would… would you have loved me?” She asked letting out a breath.

“Kagome,” he finally managed to say as he ran his clawed fingers through her hair soothingly; his voice finally finding the courage that it had lacked before.

“I… I loved you from the very moment I laid eyes on you,” He paused as if trying to find the right words and looked into her eyes, those deep dark pools of emotion burning right through him. “No… that’s not true. I think I loved you even before that… you were in my dreams, Kagome. While I slept, pinned to Goshinboku, I dream about you. I could hear you voice and sometimes see your smile. I knew you all your life- and I fell in love with you then. I just didn’t know it. I was afraid, so I pushed you away. And now, now everything is so clear to me. You’re everything to me… Always were. Please, Kagome. Don’t say your goodbyes. Not like this… Not now! Please don’t…”

He loved her. He truly loved her. And those three little words were all it took to make her happy… happier than she had ever been before in her life. Nothing mattered now that she heard what she had been waiting to hear for all these years. And that gave her a piece of mind.

He desperately tried to hang on to her. To keep her here, with him. He desperately tried to hold on. “I’ve always been so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I’ve been a fool!” He yelled, more to himself than anything else.

“I failed you Kagome. I failed you.” He cried to her.

“Forgive me. Please… forgive me. Don’t go. Don’t leave me! I can’t be without you. I- you… please, Kagome. Don’t go. Not now, not ever!” He pleaded as hot tears blurred his vision.

“There is… nothing to forgive. You’ve always been there for me. Always…” She said tenderly, trying to comfort him.

“Kagome… I love you. Kagome, please don’t leave me. Don’t go. Stay with me. I am who I am because of you. I am a better person because of you. You changed me. You taught me everything. You’re- you’re the only one I ever really and truly loved. I was just too stupid to see it, to admit it to myself. To admit that you could love someone like me and now- please… don’t- don’t go.”

Foolish. That’s how he was acting, foolish. And he knew it, but what else could he say? He knew they had no control over what was happening and yet he pleaded with her. Kagome’s heart beat just a bit faster and for a brief moment, as she heard his words, tears forming once again.

“I… I’m so sorry… InuYash…a,” She sobbed, trying desperately to hang on just a bit longer.

“No. Kagome. Don’t. Don’t say you’re sorry. This- this isn’t your fault. It’s mine. Kagome! You hear me! Just don’t… don’t.” InuYasha all but wailed.

It was getting harder for Kagome to hang on. She could feel herself slipping away and InuYasha could feel it too.

“Please Kagome, you promised you’d always be here for me. You promised Kagome!! You said you stay with me! You can’t leave me… you’re mine. Please… Kagome, please, stay? Stay with me? Be with me. Be my love, be my wife… my mate for all eternity. Please Kagome… Stay?” He pleaded with her with desperation.

He knew he was being irrational, but she was so close to him and yet so far away. And soon, she was going to be gone forever. He couldn’t imagine a life without Kagome in it. He simply couldn’t. And he didn’t want to let go. He wasn’t ready to. He wasn’t gonna let go.

`I’m never letting you go, Kagome. Never. Never. Never!’ His stubborn mind yelled.

Kagome started to lose her vision, and after a few blinks she couldn’t see him anymore. There was only his voice. He was pleading with her. Asking her to stay, to be with him, to be his wife… his mate. She smiled, or at least, she thought she did. The truth was she had always been his.

And even though they had never realized it themselves, they had always belonged to each other. They were more than soul mates. Each one was half a soul that had somehow split apart from the moment it was created. Together they were one. From the moment they found each other, on the day Kagome found InuYasha pinned to Goshinboku, their souls had formed a bond with one another. They could feel the connection now, through their pain and their grief, they could feel the strength of the deep bond they both shared.

Funny how things made sense in the end.

“Yes.” Was her weak reply. `I’ll stay…’

“Always yours… Inu- Yasha… I’ve always… been yours… yours… forever …always.” She said, her voice cracking and sounding more and more distant with each passing breath of air.

InuYasha held her close to him, cradling her limp body against his. He buried his face on the crook of her neck and kissed her softly between sobs. “Kagome… my Kagome…” he said between soft sobs and kisses.

Kagome could feel the heat that emanated from InuYasha’s lips. It burned against her cool skin, warming up her soul to its core. She tried to say more, tried to stop time, but there was nothing she could do now but let nature take its course.

He continued to kiss her, to cradle her, to try and do anything that would breathe life back into her. His demon side pounded wildly against his soul, his human side mourned. Everything was happening so fast, he was losing her, losing her for good. Forever.

Yet, he refused to let her go.

`She’s mine! Mine!’ The demon inside him growled. `I won’t let you go!’ His human side vowed.

Finally he let out a piercing howl out of anger and agony, out of pain, and out of frustration. He nuzzled against her neck, breathing her in. He kissed the curve of her neck once more, his eyes dangerously flashing between crimson red and amber gold. Then he began to lick and nip in between kisses and before he knew it, his sharp fangs had pierced her fragile skin, her sweet blood trickling out into mouth. Kagome felt the heat of his lips and his fangs upon her neck; so sweet, long lasting, nearly pulling her from oblivion. Almost instantly their souls began to merge together more deeply than before and she felt her aura stir and then lace itself against his without protest. She felt the way his soul and his aura wrapped themselves completely around her lovingly, protectively, making her warm all over.

The jewel in her hand began to glow bright suddenly; turning pure white and then it began to dissipate within her. No wish had been made or at least none was voiced, but the emotions spilling out from their souls was thick and palpable, consuming anything close enough to feel the power of their emotions… in that instant the jewel acted of its own accord. Neither one seemed to notice or care.

Unexpectedly, her own miko powers began to flicker and then as if driven by instinct alone they vividly manifested themselves in a pinkish, white light that emanated from her body surrounding InuYasha in its light. Kagome’s miko energy seemed to infuse itself into his very veins, into his demonic blood and aura and filled every part of his being right down to his soul.

How he was not purified by it would never be known. Maybe it was because their souls were one and the same, and had been for a long time. Maybe it was due to something else all together.

Maybe.

In turn, InuYasha’s demonic blood and aura laced themselves with Kagome’s own making her body warm. For one brief moment, everything was okay. They felt no pain. There was just their love, and nothing else.

They held each other in this way for what seemed like an eternity. Until finally Kagome’s miko energy subsided and released its hold of InuYasha. He too, let go, not really comprehending what it was that they had just done.

He focused back on her and touched her cheek. His whole body tingled and he could feel her energy and essence surging through him. He felt a surge of heat, something burning against his skin. Bringing a clawed hand to his chest right above his heart, he could feel it… mating marks. His eyes drifted to Kagome and inhaled deeply, smiling as he realized that their scent had become a mixture of both, one of a kind. How that had happened, he couldn’t tell. Kagome’s scent was no longer her own and neither was his. It was more like a mesh between two. Neither one said anything for a moment as they tried to take everything in.

Finally InuYasha broke the silence by softly and soothingly whispering in her ear, “I love you Kagome.” They belonged to each other now; he was hers and she was his. It was a bond much stronger than any demon or human could have ever formed. Of that he was sure.

But despite everything, Kagome was fighting a losing battle. Her body was too far gone to be brought back, even with the bond that they shared. She knew this and realized it long before InuYasha did.

She smiled weakly- wishing she’d be able to see her beloved one last time.

“F- Forever… yours…” She managed to say.

“Love you… InuYasha… there’s only love…” She closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply.

“T- tell everyone… that I- I love them. That I’ll miss them. Tell them I wasn’t… scared. I’m not scared, I’m not scared…” She breathed deep trying to fill her lungs. This was the end. She knew it was.

“…love you… my… Yashs- a… my… love.” And slowly she exhaled one. last. time.

-

InuYasha blinked. Almost in disbelief. Something inside him began to break… Something he couldn’t understand. He knew what his senses were telling him. But he refused to believe it, refused to accept that his Kagome, his love, his life… his mate, was dead.

“Kagome?” He asked tentatively. “Kagome?” But she didn’t answer.

“Come on Kagome, don’t go to sleep. Wake up. Kagome…” He couldn’t hear the soft murmur of her heart anymore. Her chest wasn’t rising. She was gone.

He began to shake his head violently, the tears in his eyes beginning to spill once more. His amber orbs flashing red again. His soul breaking, his demonic aura raging, his human side going mad with grief and guilt, his heart falling to pieces, his mind losing itself somewhere deep down inside of him.

“No. No. No! No! No!! No!! NO!!” He growled his body shaking in pain and agony for the loss. “Kagome! Wake up Kagome! Please. Kagome! Wake up! WAKE UP! Kagome! Kagome! Kagome!! KAAGOOMEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And he snapped.

The demon in him snapped.

There was no right and no wrong anymore. No good or evil, there was no happiness anymore; nothing that mattered to him anymore but his Kagome. Only his Kagome.

-

The others watched from afar, they had been watching everything unfold for since the beginning. Their own grief and sorrow paralyzing them where they stood. They felt powerless. A piece of themselves breaking inside.

They had tears in their eyes, and fear in their hearts. InuYasha was beyond consolation, beyond control and beyond any rational thought. He was lost. And soon he would be lost to the world completely. None of them would be able to bring him back. They could see it. They all could see it.

-

As the hours passed, InuYasha began to change… the demon inside of him slowly taking over.

Day turned into night, and night soon turned to dawn.

After almost a day and a half of waiting, his friends slowly tried to get close to him, to offer some comfort. At one point, they tried to take Kagome’s body away, explaining that all they wanted was to give her a proper burial and to lay her body to rest, but InuYasha had violently refused.

“Don’t touch her! Don’t you dare TOUCH her!!” He growled taking a swipe at them with his claws, his eyes flickering from a dark fiery amber to red and back to a deep sunset gold.

“I’ll kill you! Rip you all apart piece by fucking piece and make you pay with your lives. I’ll hunt you down kill you all if you dare take her away from me!! I’LL KILLYOU!“

Wearily, they all backed away with heavy hearts and tears in their eyes. Their friend’s misery was so great that it seemed as if he had gone insane with pain and grief. His suffering was palpable. He was completely lost to the world around him and there was nothing they could do to help him.

He held on to her. He wasn’t letting go. He was never letting go.

Into the wind he howled… howled until the demon in him completely surfaced, howled until the sun began to set once more.

In his madness, he let his instincts guide him.

Before he even knew it, he was running through the woods. Leaving everything that he was behind. His pack, his friends, his life, his humanity.

He ran without any specific direction with his beloved protectively cradled in his arms.

Soon, the scents of the forest became familiar, his own soul showing him the way where he needed to go.

To where it all began. Goshinboku.

-

And on that tree he now sits with what remains of his love as he waits.

But for what? Another life? Another time? He wasn’t sure.

All he knew was that this- this was where it all began. This was the place where after fifty years of being trapped a death like slumber he first saw the angel that had breathed life back into him and given him all her unconditional love. She had been his salvation. Here, he felt truly loved.

This was home.

They were home.

I’m finally back from vacation…

I wish I could say that I am totally rested and all, but I think that I really need a vacation from my vacation.

I am way beyond super tired and exhausted. -sigh-

And to top it off, I have a ton of things I need to take care of tomorrow (besides just the madness that is waiting for me at work.

To Do
#1!!!! Buy a new iPhone (yep… it got stole right before I went on vacation. Sick, huh… ugh! I’m still o P.O’d about that.)
#2!!!! Figure out the magnitude was for the earthquake that as felt in Los Angeles. (Uh huh… LA finally had another earthquake, only I was so busy, I couldn’t even stop and ‘enjoy’ it properly… phone got stolen a few moments after that, then I ha a meeting, then I had to get home and pack for my vacation…)
#3!!!! UPDATE ALL MY BLOGS!!!
#4!!!! Check out what I’ve missed on MySpace
#5!!!! Update my websites.

-sigh-

I’ve got my work cut out for me…

meh.

So I finally got the Wordpress App for the iPhone & I have to say that it’s an awesome app! It seems to work beautifully… Thanks Wordpress!

I updated the FanFiction section again.  This time I added a new fandom: Angel the Series.  Go check out Choices and tell me what you think.  I will be posting more of Angel & Co., since I am RPing with some friends of mine.  So yeah… keep on the look out for more Angel (and possibly Buffy) fics.

 *hugs*

Wow… I’ve been MIA for so long I don’t know where to start.  I’ve been so busy lately with life and such, I haven’t had a chance to update anywhere. *sigh*

So what have I been up to?  Well, I guess I’ve been dealing with a little bit of everything.  I’ve been trying to focus on family life, mostly spend more time with my baby girl and my husband.  It’s been really nice, and I can’t wait for the holidays.  It’s my favorite time of the year.

I’ve been also writing.  Mostly fanfic in the Anime/Manga-dom, and just this week, I started a RP community over at LiveJournal with some friends of mine (Melly!  Jeff!  I love you guys!).  It’s fun, I miss RPing.  This is basically from the Joss Whedon Verse (Angel the Series and Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandom.)  Check it out if you get a chance: World On Fire.  It’s gonna be a great comm!

I’ve also been getting ready for NaNoWriMo.  Every year I’ve been wating to participate, and every year, I chicken out.  But not this year.  This year I’m gonna kick some major ass.   October has already proven to be a crazy month.  I’ve been doing a lot of research for my story, and worked on some character bios.  I have a general idea of what I’ll be writing for each and chapter, but other than that, I won’t start writing it until November 1st - 12:00 AM.  You are more than welcome to check on my progress on the NaNoWriMo site under my user profile Jessie Angel, or you can also check out my story’s official website ARTisticAsylum.org.

I’ve also been commissioning artwork from different artists in deviantART.  One artist has already finished the piece, the other two are still working on it.  I’ll post those up as soon as I get a chance to.

Other than that, not much else going on.  I do need get my ass in gear and talk to Frederick about Programming stuff.  He’s been an amazing teacher so far, and lately with everything going on, that’s been on the back burner (BUT I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU FREDERICK!!!)

Okay guys, it’s been fun, but I must get back to work now. <3

It’s working now!!!!!!!! And it was a really little stupid thing too, that I forgot to do on my part. *sighs* But at least I figured it out! w000!

Geez!  So this thing is just not wanting to do what I want it to do! It’s getting me a little flustered.  BAH!  Icons not working……. as you can see.

 :(